


God Help Eren

by moodyteen



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-07-06 15:10:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15888552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moodyteen/pseuds/moodyteen
Summary: The thought of their ruined air conditioner brings a different thought to Eren's mind.“Mikasa, don't you have an air conditioner? Why are we even here?! We could be at your place right now, not suffering!”Armin pops his head up from where it was smushed into the ground and shoots an accusatory look at Mikasa. He even throws in a little gasp, as if he's been bamboozled. So dramatic. Mikasa huffs and closes her eyes.“If my air conditioner was working, do you think any of us would be here right now? I wouldn't have driven all the way here with my fan. I would have plucked the two of you out of this hellhole and then we would have gone back to my place and eaten ice trays.,” she rebuts.“What the hell happened to your air conditioner? And what is it with everyone's air being destroyed?” Armin asks.Its hot as hell in Eren and Armin's shared apartment. Eren can't seem to figure out why its steaming in their house when he has the A/C on full blast.





	God Help Eren

**Author's Note:**

> I uh....I shoulda been writing for my other fic but Indiana weather is the Devil and I wanted to write something fluffy about Shiganshina Trio SufferingTM.

        Eren briefly wonders if he sinks any further into the sticky, sweat-soaked, hot as hell leather of his love seat, he might just get sucked down in between the cushions. Maybe if he just shifts a _little_ more to the left he could probably bury himself down into the crease of the sofa and down into the foundation, right next to the ages-old food crumbs, stray pennies, and cat fur and just cease to exist. Anything would be better than this fresh hell he's boiling in. Its a miserable, brain scrambling 102 de-fucking-grees outside and it isn't any better inside his apartment. In addition to running the A/C, he's got a fan blowing directly in front of his face, a table fan on the coffee table pointed at his sister, and Armin even brought his fan from his bedroom to point directly onto his head. Still, there's only hot air and fur blowing around the small living space.

       

        “Your hair is going to get stuck in the fan if you lean any closer.”

 

        Eren jerks away from the fan a bit, the sound of her voice startling him out of his daydream of being sucked into the void of his love seat. He wasn't prepared to hear actual words from any of them. He isn't even sure that the three of them have even spoken real words to each other today. Mikasa had knocked on the door an hour or so ago while he was sweating into his breakfast, completely ignoring the fact that he wasn't wearing pants. Fan in hand, she had stepped straight into his house with a groan, plugged in the fan, and plonked herself onto the right half of the couch. Eren answered her with a groan of his own and unplugged his own table fan from where it was blowing dust into his Lucky Charms and plugged it in just below Mikasa's fan. They heard Armin's bedroom door open and he shuffled out into the living room in a tank top and boxer shorts, hair in a messy bun on top of his head in an attempt to give his neck some relief. He, too, was lugging his floor fan out into the living room and onto the floor before plugging it in and flopping onto his stomach at Mikasa's feet with a pitiful whimper. Eren groaned at him and he returned the greeting. Armin then turned his head to Mikasa with a groan and she responded with one of her own. And that's the way they sat for the better part of an hour.

 

        He turns his head to check on how his two companions are handling the heat and its...not good. Armin is starfished on the carpet. He's still got his fan pointing to his head. There's a wet patch on the back of his tank and he's got this far away look in his eyes. Eren isn't even sure that Armin is in the same _dimension_ as they are right now. Mikasa really isn't doing any better. At some point in the day she'd rid herself of her thin t-shirt and is now sitting on the couch in her bra and denim shorts, scowling at the sun outside the balcony door as if she could make it go away just by glaring at it.

 

        “But I cant even _feel_ the air if I sit all the way back,” Eren retorts. He should probably listen to Mikasa, though. He's been growing his hair for 8 months now. He was determined to see how far he could take No Shave November, until he was notified (quite rudely) by Jean that “No Shave November is for facial hair and body hair, you doorknob.” Still, he grew his hair longer just to spite Jean. And, maybe he kind of liked the look, too. The Canadian Lumberjack 'stache and beard combo had to go after Christmas, though. He had caught Armin looking at his beard with a murderous expression and he found that he didn't really want to wake up out his sleep with his best friend hovering over him, razor in hand. Having long hair does make the heat that much worse, though.

 

        “How do you do it, Armin? Your hair is always long so the summers must be unbearable for you,” Eren questions his friend.

 

        Armin rolls onto his back and stares up at Eren with those glassy blues eyes. “I'm going to cut it all off,” Armin says, plainly. Mikasa whips her head down to where Armin is resting at her feet and glares at him. Eren simply pouts.

 

       “You _can't_ cut it off! I'll be really sad if you do. In fact, I'll shave myself bald in protest. All the way. I'll go _Shadis Bald_.” Eren really enjoyed his friend's long hair. It was a lot longer than his own and Armin would let him practice braids and buns in his pretty, blond hair. He couldn't imagine Armin going back to the helmet hair he had in high school. The very thought made him poke his bottom lip out.

 

        “Hnggg, fine, I won't cut it off. But I still wish I were bald,” Armin responds. Mikasa snorts and nudges his shoulder with her foot.

   

        “No, you don't. If you actually cut all your hair off, you would cry as soon as it hit the ground. You're so attached to it. 

 

        Armin tilts his head as if he's considering the validity of her statement. “Hm, yeah, I would cry. Now shhh, its too hot for talking. If I move my lips again, I'll faint.” Armins turns back on his belly and sticks his head back under the fan.

 

        “The only thing I want to know is why the hell this place is so hot if the air is on,” Mikasa spits.

 

        “I don't even know. This has never happened before. I turned the air on today and it did like, nothing. Its just like we're all standing outside.”

 

        If only he and Armin had an actual air conditioner in their shared apartment. They wouldn't even notice the heat. They _had_ an air conditioner once upon a time, but they threw Sasha's 20th birthday party at their place. Ymir and Reiner got drunk and thought it'd be a great idea to play baseball in the house with their hands as the bats and Marco's shoe as the ball. Ymir pitched the “ball” at Reiner and he swacked it so hard that it flew straight into the air conditioner and got lodged in the fans. They would have been more angry if they didn't already have A/C installed in their place. The air conditioner was just a back up. They still hadn't been compensated for their loss, though. Losing it hurt. Eren's mom had given it to them when they moved in. The thought of their ruined air conditioner brings a different thought to Eren's mind.

 

        “Mikasa, don't you have an air conditioner? Why are we even _here_?! We could be at your place right now, not suffering!”

 

        Armin pops his head up from where it was smushed into the ground and shoots an accusatory look at Mikasa. He even throws in a little gasp, as if he's been bamboozled. So dramatic. Mikasa huffs and closes her eyes.

 

        “If my air conditioner was working, do you think any of us would be here right now? I wouldn't have driven all the way here with my fan. I would have plucked the two of you out of this hellhole and then we would have gone back to my place and eaten ice trays.,” she rebuts.

 

        “What the hell happened to _your_ air conditioner? And what is it with everyone's air being destroyed?” Armin asks.

 

        “Well, it just stopped working a couple of days ago. I didn't really fuss over it because it wasn't that hot out. Plus, its nearly fall so I didn't think I'd need it much. It was so cool earlier this week, I didn't even know it'd get this hot again,” Mikasa trails off with a thousand yard stare, as if she's envisioning the cool air of days past. She clears her throat and get back to the story. “But then I looked at the news last night and I saw it was going to be hot, so I asked Levi if he could come check it out for me.” Armin pouts from the ground, “I wish I had a cool cousin to come and fix stuff for me.”

 

        “You don't have a cousin, but you do have a big, blond hunk of meat to do it for you,” Eren teases. Armin's been getting pretty close with one of Levi's friend's, another senior at their college named Erwin Smith.

 

        He blushes and hides his face deeper into the carpet. “He's not my 'big, blond, hunk of meat'. He's my study mate,” Armin grumbles and pouts.

 

        “Mhmm,” Mikasa smiles. “Also, Armin, why are you on the floor? There's a little room on the couch up here and the carpet is probably really hot,” Mikasa inquires.

 

        Armin turns to face her again. “One: there's hardly any room up there. If I sat up there, we'd all be skin to skin and I don't know about you guys, but I really don't want to feel either of your sweat on my body. Two: the carpetis fine. It soaks up all my sweat like a big rag.”

 

        Eren has a look of disgust on his face from the absolute filth that his friend just uttered. Mikasa, meanwhile, looks a little impressed.

 

        “That's gross, Armin,” Eren says.

 

        “I think its genius,” Misaka admits. Armin hums his thanks to her. Eren crosses his arms and sinks into the couch, upset that his friends are gross and also disagreeing with him.

 

        “I bet you wouldn't mind _Erwin's_ sweat on your body,” he mumbles.

 

        “One more word about Erwin and I'm shaving my entire head, you punk,” Armin glares at him from the floor.

 

        Eren huffs and rolls his eyes. Party pooper.

 

       Just then, they all hear a warbling meow and little footsteps from the kitchen. Armin's cat, Flea, comes toddling out of the kitchen where she was supposedly napping. She's a loud, clingy, screechy little fur ball of a cat. Her little bell tinkles as she waddles up to Armin. The tiny, furry little thing butts up against her owner and yowls in his face. Armin looks devastated.

 

        “My poor little girl. Are you okay, Flea? You must be so hot with all your fur. I didn't even think to shave you this year. It was so cool in the beginning of summer up until now. Daddy is so sorry you're suffering.” He scritches at her chin and she soaks up her owner's attention. Flea cozies up next to Armin and flops belly-down on the the floor in front of the fan with him. They both face plant into the hot carpet. It makes Eren snicker.

 

        “Heh, like father, like daughter. I gave her some ice water today. That should have helped a bit.”

 

        As Eren and Mikasa coo at Armin and Flea, there's a knock on the apartment door. The three friends stare at each other. _I'm not getting it_.

 

        “Rock, Paper, Scissors?” Armin suggests. Before Eren can even prepare, Mikasa and Armin have their fists up and are already shaking them. Armin shoots a paper. Mikasa shoots a rock.

 

        “Eren, you lose. Go get the door,” Armin declares. Eren throws him an incredulous look.

 

        “I didn't even _play_ ,” he complains.

 

        “Exactly,” Armin says, “the door, please.” Armin busies himself with petting Flea. Eren huffs and gripes his way to the door. He yanks it open with a little more force than necessary, not even bothering to look through the peephole. There, in the flesh, is Levi.

 

        “ _Please_ tell me you fixed it, Levi,” Mikasa begs from the couch.

 

        “Yeah, I got it done. It should be all good for you now.” Levi steps into the apartment, already bending to pet Flea where she's winding figure eights around his legs. He's about to pick her up when he stops dead in his tracks and stares straight into the living room.

 

        “What? What the fuck? Why is it so hot in here and you have A/C installed in this place?” he asks. Eren shrugs,

 

        “I don't know, I turned the air on this morning and it didn't help. Its almost like it made it even hotter in here.”

 

        Levi kicks of his shoes at the door and makes his way into the living room. He stops at the vent in the hall and puts his leg against it. He hisses through his teeth and jumps back as if he'd been burned. He rubs his sore leg with his other foot and looks up and the air controls. Levi squints his eyes and mutters something under his breath that sounds a lot like “are you fucking kidding me?”

 

        Eren questions him from the living room. “See, its hot, right? That's not supposed to happen.”

 

        Levi huffs and slowly turns toward the three friends in the living room. His mouth is twitching a bit, like he's trying not to laugh. Eren wants to know what's so fucking funny about him, his sister (Levi's own little cousin!), his best friend, and his best friend's cat all boiling alive like lobsters.

 

        “It wouldn't have happened if you had turned the _air_ on instead of the _heat_ , you absolute dipshit.” Levi does actually let out a cackle that resolves into a fit of giggles, and finally dissipates into a few low, halting chuckles. Eren is standing, dumbfounded in the middle of the floor in nothing but his underwear and a shirt. No he fucking did not.

 

        “The _what_?” Mikasa growls from the couch. Levi's giggles start up again.

 

        “Oh my fucking _God_ , Eren, you turned on the heat!” Levi has to stop and hold his stomach. He's shaking with laughter. Eren is shaking with rage. No way in Hell was he that stupid. He's got to see this for himself. He stomps over to the controls and looks at the screen and, sure enough, he'd turned on the fucking heat by mistake. If he wasn't drained of all energy and he didn't feel like his insides were broiling, he'd launch himself out of his second story window.

 

        “I can't believe this. This is the best day of my life,” Levi says. There are tears in his eyes and Eren really wants to kick him in the nuts. But then Levi would kick him in his nuts and possibly castrate him in the process, so he chills out.

        Armin pipes up from where his head is still buried in the carpet. “Eren Ezekiel Jeager, this is the dumbest fucking thing you've ever done and I don't want to be your friend anymore.”

 

        Eren pouts and opens his mouth to speak but Armin cuts him off with a glare he's only been on the receiving end of a handful of times in their entire 15 year friendship. “I want you to know that the only reason I'm not slithering my way across this carpet like some sort of hell serpent and wringing your balls with my bare hands is because I'm literally sitting in Satan's asshole right now. Consider yourself lucky. You're making dinner for a month.”

 

        Eren visibly recoils and wraps his arms around his torso in an attempt to protect himself from Armin's wrath.

 

        “Well. Shit,” Levi says from behind Eren, reaching to turn off the heat. Mikasa huffs.

 

        “No point in threatening each other. Let's just get back to my house.”

 

        “Can I bring Flea?” Armin inquires.

 

        “Of course, I wouldn't leave her in this place,” Mikasa says, reaching to scratch behind Flea's ear. Armin starts to set up Flea's backpack with water, food, toys, and bowls. The three start to pull their clothes on, Eren and Armin retreating to their rooms to pull on pants. When they emerge, the cousins are waiting by the door, ready to go. Armin grabs Flea and puts her on his back. The four walk out of the apartment and into the hall. While Eren's twisting his key in the lock, he asks a favor of his friends.

 

        “Okay, I know this was so hilarious. 'Oh, look, Eren turned on the heat instead of the air!' But could we please not tell anyone about this?” Armin is already heading down the hall. Flea stares back at Eren through the little window of her backpack, a disapproving look on her furry little face.

 

        “Too late, its already on Snapchat,” Armin states. “Oh, yeah, that's a good idea,” Levi agrees. “I'm telling Erwin.” Eren looks to his sister, knowing that at least she will have his back. To his horror Mikasa already has her phone out and shoved into his face the contact 'Mom (Carla Jeager)' on her screen. Then she pushes the call button.

 

 

 

        Eren screams into the hallway.

**Author's Note:**

> have y'all ever seen those little backpacks for cats that have the little windows on the backs for the cat to look out of? just imagine armin carrying a tiny cat around in one of those. i'd bust a heart nut.


End file.
